She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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