matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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