ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
