somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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