Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
