just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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