It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
