I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
