It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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