I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
