I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
