what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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