also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
