if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
