moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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