Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
