i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
