im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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