Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
