she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
