Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
