I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she woke up with a sticky ear
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
