He kissed a someone with a penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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