Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
