i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
