Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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