the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
