he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
