im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
