this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
