did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
