Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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