I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
