I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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