Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
