fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize