Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
