I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
