My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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