just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
