So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
