Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize