I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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