Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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