I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
