it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
