Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
