DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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