I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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