They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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