Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
