I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
