Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
