I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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