Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
