Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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