Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
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