why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
