And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
