I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
