yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
