There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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