I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
