I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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