apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
