She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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