i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
