i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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