Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
