she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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