It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
