it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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