John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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